A topic for the ages - bathroom literature
January 25th, 2006 by Bill
Having bored the larger world with scribblings about a Canadian election and hockey, I felt it time to turn to something we all can relate to – bathroom literature.
- What do you read when you’re on the john?
- Does your bathroom have a library?
- Are you concerned the room’s moisture will affect the binding of books or the quality of a treasured magazine’s paper?
Personally, I do NOT keep a bathroom library. I have too much respect for the written word and I’m too well aware of bathroom hazards to keep anything worth reading in there. And if it’s not worth reading, why have it there to begin with?
I usually take books with me when I retire for my daily constitutional (as it’s phrased in some parts of the world). Recently, Julian Barnes has been joining me for my dumps. Mind you, I’m not sure how complimented he would feel knowing this. I don’t think it’s the sort of thing you would want to say to a big name author.
“You know Mr. Barnes, there are no books better than yours for taking a shit.”
If you were a writer, how would that make you feel? I dunno. Maybe it would make your chest swell. But I don’t think so.
The other day, I took a book into the bathroom called Cascading Style Sheets: the Definitive Guide. I confess, I fell asleep on the toilet and … well, I’d rather not get too descriptive. Let’s just say I won’t be reading that book in there again.
But what do you read? Do you read anything at all? I had friends who use to keep piles of Penthouse magazines in their bathroom. I never thought that was a good idea though. The magazines got very “used” very quickly and no one ever came out of the bathroom!
Well, I think this topic is a big improvement over Canadian elections.
I usually take the local paper in with me when I “take the Browns to the Superbowl”.
(Oh no, I hope that you don’t get sued for copyright infringement.)
I usually take whatever I’m reading at the time, but I don’t leave it there.
If I was an author I wouldn’t give a crap (no pun intended) where you brought my book as long as you paid for it and I received my royalties.
“take the Browns to the Superbowl”
Groan!
m - yes, as long as the money is legal tender, who gives a shit? (groan again - damn these puns!)
i am too fast of a shitter to need reading material.
and THAT, my friend, is called TMI.
Sizzle - Heavens … That’s so North American. You have to shit European style. I may have to write a manual. “The Art of Taking a Shit.”
I keep my Coastal Living magazines in my bathroom. They look pretty and provide light reading for those that need a little extra entertainment in there.
I noticed a pattern with women when they go to the restroom and have to shit. They always occupied the far end stalls. Do men do that too?