What would happen if …
March 11th, 2006 by Bill
Here’s the scenario … For whatever reason, however it happens to be arranged, I am at an “event,” a kind of party, a kind of festive congregation of all the bloggers I have met online. This is not a “virtual” meeting. No, it’s flesh and blood, face to face, tactile and scented and real time. Good grief! Great flamin’ monkey arseholes!
What do I do? What is this actually like?
Well, what first occurs to me is that all these people now see me as I really am, not as I may appear online. I’m not talking about physical appearance, although I’m sure that is bit of a “That’s him?” thing, but more of a who you, your essence, your true self in the real world comes across.
Or the “you” people perceive from what you project in how you appear, how you behave, how you speak and so on.
I can’t help thinking I’m nothing like I appear online. Physically, perhaps. I sort of look like a smaller, less well-paid version of Steve Buscemi. But how I actually behave? How I interact with people? I don’t think so.
“You sound so cranky in your comments. You seem different somehow. In real life.”
Duh! Ya think?
“You’ve never been to South America? Australia? Other than Seattle, you know jackshit about the States? And even then, you know jackshit about Seattle?”
Uh … yes.
“But you know Ontario? Alberta? New Brunswick? Who the hell goes there?”
Well, umm …
“You know nothing about Hollywood? You’ve never been to L.A. ? Rodeo Drive? Then what’s with all the horseshit about movies?”
You see, I watch a lot of … you know?
Blah blah blah … the point is, I can’t help thinking my online persona is whole lot of horseshit (I like that word), and a great distance from who I really am. And that sparks two (actually, 2.5) significant questions for me:
1) Who the hell am I?
2) If I’m full of shit, is everyone else online full of shit? And if so, who are they really?
I guess my point is that many bloggers (mostly women) appear to be considerably more open about themselves and their lives than I am (and, for that matter, most guys who are online). And though I type that out and put it in a post, it doesn’t mean I will be changing anytime soon – I am who I am.
But it makes me wonder. I sometimes feel like someone who has a shovel and is just tossing shit out onto the Internet.
And I’m also thinking that writing a post after a few glasses of wine may not be the best idea around. You’ve just no way of knowing what you might post.
As for my imagined “bogger event” … Neil, would you quit grabbing blogger boobs? It’s not dignified. (Or so my Mom says.)
Shovel away Bill. Shovel away. I’ll be right there with you.
Then I’m going over to try and sex up Mackenzie because my wife will not be coming to this event.
Horseshit indeed.
I think we are all *different* in person but who we are on line is a part of that person. Some people feel free-er being able to write down their thoughts and end up showing a piece of themselves they frequently are afraid to. Some write to amuse. Some write to inspire. We are never all of these things at once. I often wonder if the people I read daily are making up what they write. Much like the James Frey controversy of 2006, would I feel disappointed or accepting of their choice to take liberities with the facts?
Tonight, I am meeting my first bloggers face to face. I feel a bit as though I am going on a date from the internet.
I worry that they won’t like me, that I will not look like they expected, that my funny stories on line will fall short or that I will not enjoy them as much as I have on line. But it sure will be interesting to find out!
Um, Neil just felt me up. Do you have security at this party?
What the hell do you know about about Bill anyway? You’re just an imaginary blog persona who doesn’t know Bill at all!
It’s okay not to be real and say whatever I want, or so says my therapist (who also is not real).
I think if we were to have a Great Meeting, it would be strange and surreal, but at least we’d all be feeling the same way. Worlds collide. I did meet one blogger in person and we had a lovely time.