New specs? Why, yes
April 10th, 2006 by Bill
As I examined the progress of the buds on the branches just off my balcony, I felt the urge to tell everyone I have new glasses. Yes, it’s the news the world has been waiting for. Everyone can get back to work now.
From the picture in which I’m somewhat dishevelled looking, it seems to me they look a good deal like the old ones but take my word for it, they are different. A bit geekier I think. But as long as they aren’t aggressively clunky, I can live with them.
However … Ahem, they are a slightly different than the old ones. To be specific, and in the interests of full disclosure, they are old man glasses. Yes.
In a neat bit of linguistic sleight-of-hand, they are “progressive lenses.” This is the nice way of saying they are bifocals. Although my eyes are stunningly healthy (or so says the ophthalmologist) and the prescription has not changed, I am near-sighted and it has been driving me nuts taking my glasses off and then putting them back on all the time. And I read a lot. And I’m on my computer a lot. And it’s a pain in the ass.
The answer? Progressive lenses. Actually, this is an accurate description. Old school bifocals were two lenses jammed together. This is like a slow morphing from one lens to another and it’s more like about four different lens slowly progressing from one into another and back.
The end result is a wild ride. It’s like being three sheets to the wind all the time without being drunk. You know, the whirlies each time you look at something new.
I’m slowly adjusting. But I’ll have to check my birth certificate again to see just how old I am. I’m sure these are my Dad’s glasses. Good grief!
Very fashionable.
Nice spectacles. I only have one bad eye, ut I’ll be damned if I can find a monocle anywhere in this country. I want one of those Col. Klink ones, you know?
I am so relieved.
Seksi.
I’m glad my new specs are meeting with approval. Though I woudn’t mind a monocle too (though I rather keep two good eyes). I’m adjusting to the new glasses.
Hopefully I’ll have something more interesting to post about in the next day or two.
Bill,
In order for them to be truly geeky, you must have white tape in the middle. No white tape, no geeky.
BV
dashing new specs.
i recently went to the dmv and sadly discovered that now i am required to have a “lenses required for driving” put on my driver’s license. i couldn’t pass the eye exam without them!
I called the Prez and we have moved back to DefCon 1.
Actually, I have been wondering why they were called “Progressive”. Can Republicans wear them anyway?